elgac's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Danger Will Robinson Danger! Ah I have just devoured my words due to a miss click. ~Sigh~ Here I go again double therapy. Yesterday I took Justin to the airport for his IT. broker conference in Orlando. We woke up and chatted while he complained about his left kidney. His meds are slowly shutting down his kidneys and liver, or so he says. When I met him I noticed the dark circles around his eyes and certain skin textures, which led me to wonder about his previously mentioned organs. So since I first led him to my bed I have been telling him to drink water. He mainly drinks �pop�, so it�s no wonder to me that his body is threating to shutting down. But I digress, we finally get out of bed and go to the SliverSillet just off of 14th. Tons of movies have been shot there, I adore their fried pork chops. It was nice especially since he paid for it. Not something he has been in the habit of doing. From there we went in search of a cable cord for my T.V. I recently discovered that I have had free cable this whole year. But it�s in the other room, alas. I personally don�t care but he wanted to do something about it. I found it sort of endearing but really a waste. In our search we could not find a place open yet before we were due to be at the airport. We abandoned the search and rode out to Atlanta�s airport allegedly America�s busiest airport. Made good time which in turn graced us plenty of people watching time. Both of us enjoy watching and discussing the bodies and supposed lives of the people around us. After he checks-in we go get a drink. As we get up to walk him to the search line, he says those banned words,� I love you.� I replied,� What the fuck did you just say?� He quickly (with a twinkle in his eye) says, � I mean I love the way you finished that drink.� As I took my seat on the MARTAtrain, my brain is racing with the thoughts of now I have to get rid of this guy. How!? Safely is the key. He obviously doesn�t respect my boundries. I enjoy his ways with this in the bedroom because its part of the scene, now I see its how it really is. I have suspected that it was, but a part of me was hoping he would hold off. I wanted to enjoy the good things abit longer. ~Sigh~ he returns tomorrow evening and I get to pick him up from the airport. One I don�t want to bring him home but that's is what I promised. Yes I know I�m a big girl, I feel that perhaps I should do it at my home and then ask him to leave. If he won�t I�ll call my friends and the cops. I could just say it at the airport. But then he might show up at my place once I get there by cab or public transit, so I should just go the most personal route. Ah then I fear his ability to twist/ manipulate words, he is as good at it as I am. It turns me on and is one of the things I liked about him. He is one of the few people that has been able to stand up to me in one of my moods. So I have to be well thought out or he will weasel his way back in. I don�t want a lover I fear for any reason. I fear him a little. He is disrespectful of me by not regarding my need for space. I�m not looking for love, not at least in the first two months. Rosa did that to me, I was hungry for that. I�m full of love from myself, friends and family. Not many relationships last when you jump in to the love quandary so early. It really means that person needs you not loves you. I�ve said this to him. I�m not here to fill someone�s void, to be the stable one, to be the caretaker. In the beginning of any relationship I leave the could this last question open for as long as I see fit. For as tarnished as I am there is a certain respect for what the universe brings my way. You never now at least not usually right away. I�ve learned a good chunk about men from Justin. That and I have brushed up on my blow job skills. Now I am confident in my ability to take cock on again. I just got off the phone with Trinity. We discussed the way I should let him go. I will not let him come into my apartment again. Most likely I�ll do it at the bar in the airport. There will be lots of security so I feel safe. Also I�ll call my landlord and tell him about Justin. Nothing too in-depth just enough to say I don�t think he would be a good tenant. Beside his lack of good credit will be a put off if Patrick ignores me. Then after I give him his two shirts and inhailer I�ll get on the train, be picked up by a friend and not go home that night. All this from something I started for pleasure. Ah life and its many turns. Here's a question why is the sex so hot with the crazy ones? 11:14pm - 2006-07-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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