elgac's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No longer needed Being ignored is a dredful place to be. I keep racking my brain for an in. What can I do to be allowed back in this person's life? But before I came to this question I pondered all the others. What did I do? Was it the last thing I said? Was it the fact that I was her last lover? Was it because I broke her heart the year before? Is it that I drive her crazy in a bad way? That the new girlfriend doesn't want me around? There are so many reasons I don't blame the cut off. I really just want to get the total cut off so that I can stop wondering if she will ever speak to me again. There is a huge part of me that knows I can be horrible. The horrible leaps out and most of the time I control it. But there are times that it gets tied up with truth or opinion. Here it is under a guize and then it takes hold creating havock that was never ment to be. Or was it? Is my existence here to be a foil for anothers feelings to give them volivity that they need? Competition breeds better out comes or so it seems. To be hated or disliked now creates an even better sweeter moment currently for the hater. She is putting all her negativity towards her thoughts of me. All that comes to mind is negative memories. Hey I don't blame her, but I miss her. Again I don't know what is true and what's not due to the fact that she is not talking to me. 1:55 p.m. - 2005-06-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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