elgac's Diaryland Diary

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a new path

Let's start today with a flash back of what my life was a couple of months ago....

Her:Why are you putting make-up on?

Me:Because I want to look nice, and it calms me down.

Her:Who are you dressing up for, is it for her or him?

Me:It's just because, like I fucking already said.

Her:I was just asking you a question, you don't need to yell at me.

Me:I was just getting ready for work. Leave me alone I need just do a little of what I want to do.

Her:I would like to do what I want to do. But no I do what is right for us.

Me:Be free do what you want, I love you and would like for you to be happy.

Her:Oh really thats why (Blank Blank Blank) happend and so and so...

Me:That has nothing to do with this, I'm leaving. I don't want to be late for work again.

Her:You always just leave....blah blah...
I walk away grab my bag so that I can walk to work, open the door and leave. She follows me saying,"Is is over, just tell me that please?"

Me:I just want to go to work, leave me be, fuck can't I even walk down the street with out you following me pleading.

Her:You make me like this, Please tell me is over?

Me:I can't answer that right now I have to go to work so that I can pay our bills.

Then she would normally stop, wait until I got to work and then the phone calls would start.
~sigh~ Sometimes I feel like there was more that I could have done. I was an ass but it came out to protect my self.And to top it all off she hates me.Or pities me, what the fuck is what I have to say about that.

So last night I had the boy over. Made dinner, talked about art, life, people and boundries. He is such an strange congomeration of different genres of life.

I think this new path that I'm diverging on is good. There are pros and cons but as far as I can see they seem to be one for one. I would like to think that a bit of the learning I have incapsulated from my hearts wanderings will shield me from early loss.

11:43 a.m. - 2005-03-17

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