elgac's Diaryland Diary

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Defined by

Who is this new person I want to become?

Where have these lofty goals of growth come from?

I suppose I want more for myself. I know that I am worth more than what I am currently achieving. You are defined by whom you keep as friends.

As of late I have been drinking alot. To the point now that I wonder what drew me to the drink in the first place? Conjecture; fun, frivolity, sexual attraction, freedom, silliness, so many people do it too, yayahyayah. It souly rests upon my shoulders that I allowed my body and mind to be drawn to this sort of energy.

Now I am drawing in these desires and searching for other ways of expression. Sexually I should explore Mary. She is a good person and has been able to "keep up" with me. Not to mention she is able to take care of her self. Friends, I should hang out with more artistic people, people that are making art. Not just going to art school. Myself, more time alone, really dealing with my own internal dialog.

I have been thinking almost exclusivly about all of this. My words here fail to describe my complex internal strife.

3:56 p.m. - 2005-11-07

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