elgac's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I have opened myself to viewing by creating this diary. Yet I feel myself editing what I want to say for fear of disrupting my real life. This is a place to search and discover. I have reciently become a free agent. For the past five and a half years I have been in comitted monogamous relationships. Three if you count Mike, which for congruency I do. Mike, Jen, and Rosa. I was with Jen for four years. She was my college sweetheart, and the first woman I ever slept with. She opened up the world for me. I cherish her for that and so much more. There are so many possiblities for attraction. Some times I feel this to be a curse. So for about two years now I felt that I am a lesbian. I love making love to a woman and I didn't miss being with a man. You know like vitamins, I felt I had a well rounded balanced choice. But when I first came out to my parents I told them I was a bisexual, because at the time I felt that way. Then I didn't and now I do again. So I am a crossroads sexually, perhaps I should just be me and go with the flow. I have attractions to both sexes. But by no means does it say to me, I can have sex with who ever when ever I still have morals and rules. That has been a wary subject for me all along when I took the moniker of bisexuality. It is so stimatized and loaded. The purpose of this entry has been to describe to myself out "loud" what the hell is going on inside my head. I am quite attracted to a man right now and I will act on because I can. Now I just have to be ok with it. Ok with wanting it and allow myself to enjoy it. 3:36 p.m. - 2005-03-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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